I was resentful of my father growing up for what he did to my mother and his children, and for not being in my life. He passed away a few years ago from throat cancer but before he died, I had a chance to go see him in Scotland where he lives. It was one of the most important experiences in my life to spend time with a father I had barely known and to become reconciled. I had built him out as a monster in my inner psyche; he represented everything counter to my idealism. But spending time with him I was able to hear his side of the story and come to realize that he has always loved my mother, sister and me unconditionally. That was a really wild experience. It was the quintessential shattering of ones subjective reality and taught me to, no matter what, strive to see the full picture always and never cast judgment. It’s ok to know that I would have done things differently, but its not productive to project that on anyone. He’s got four other kids that are great and we’re connected magically. Obviously an experience like this has had a huge impact on me in terms of better assuming good intent from others.
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