“The gross national product (of a country) does not allow for the health of our children, the quality of their education or the joy of their play. It does not include the beauty of our poetry or the strength of our marriages, the intelligence of our public debate or the integrity of our public officials. It measures neither our wit nor our courage, neither our wisdom nor our learning, neither our compassion nor our devotion to our country. It measures everything, in short, except that which makes life worthwhile.
– Robert Kennedy, March 18, 1968

How are we measuring a life well lived?

Is it quality of life based on a personal assessment of what makes us happy? Or are we allowing media and popular culture, systems that know nothing about us, to steer us to false measurements?

What are the things that need to be happening for you to feel great? Making enough income so you don’t have too much financial stress? Spending lots of time with family for personal enjoyment plus the sense of harmony that comes with a house “in order”? Helping others less fortunate? Making time in your life to count your blessings? Having adequate alone time so you can assess things in your life, work and personal? Spending time in nature? Doing things you love whether travel, going to the movies, listening to music, playing sports, watching a ballgame on TV? Having a short commute? The list goes on.

You might not have arrived yet at your ultimate quality of life. For example, you have a goal of working within five miles of home and perhaps right now it is not practical. The point is to know what your quality of life drivers are so you can arrive at them as soon as possible but reckoning with

So going back to 30,000 feet, what does quality of life mean to you?

Mario Morino

Mario Morino is a man for whom I have great respect for.  He is one of the most accomplished entrepreneurs and philanthropists I have come across:  he cofounded and built Legent Corporation and Venture Philanthropy Partners, his latest creation.

However, the reason people have great respect for Mario is the person he is.  Despite all of his accomplishments, you will not meet a more grounded person.  You can tell he is the same person he always was and that he treats people based on their character and not their station or resume.

In my interview with Mario he made the following comment which I think is a great bit of wisdom we should all think about for a minute.

“Sometimes the characteristics that served me in the business world—a hard charging, driving force — tend not to be  the best characteristics for husband and father. So I have made strides in deprogramming myself from the characteristics that are not great to use around the house.”

http://www.qualityoflifeproject.org/articles/mind-article/854/

This is a very rich perspective he shared.  It is fine to blend your work and personal lives, but at the same time you can also divide your work and family life styles. It is not an issue of authenticity.  It’s an issue of different worlds.

Some people might argue that if you are strategic, results oriented and calm enough you can operate the same way in both worlds.  I don’t buy that.  I think you have to be aggressive in the business world to get things done.   You can do it in a constructive way that lends dignity to others; but you still have to be hard charging.  That sense of aggressiveness is what you don’t need to bring home.  [Sidenote: I need to disclaim for the 37th time that these are issues I am observing in my interviews; not practices I am necessarily on top of.]

I think the same also goes for business language.  My wife and I have basically agreed to cut down on business jargon around the house.  I’m not just talking about “at the end of the day” (Ryan from The Office style) business speak; I’m talking about more subtle business jargon like “fundamental.”  “Honey, maybe the fundamental problem with our babysitter is…”  Give your spouse a break with the business speak….

Back to the main wisdom bit here.  I agree wholeheartedly with (and aspire to learn from) Mario’s wisdom bit about learning to deprogram yourself when you migrate from the office to the home.  When you are at home, you don’t need to be on your toes, jockey for position, make things happen, read situations.  You just need to chill and hang out.

Joseph Campbell (1904-1987)

I hadn’t read Joseph Campbell in awhile.  When I came across this essay last week, I got sucked in.  This is inspiration.  Please share.

The Hero’s Journey (On Living in the World) by Joseph Campbell

The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
What you have to do, you do with play.
Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.

Being alive is the meaning.

The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to life: “Yea” to it all.

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.
We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.
When we talk about settling the world’s problems, we’re barking up the wrong tree.
The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess.

We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.

If we fix on the old, we get stuck. when we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction.
Hell is life drying up. The Hoarder, the one in us that wants to keep, to hold on, must be killed.
If we are hanging onto the form now, we’re not going to have the form next.
You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Destruction before creation.

Out of perfection nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up. The earth must be broken to bring forth new life. If the seed does not die, there is no plant.

Bread results from the death of wheat. Life lives on lives. Our own life lives on the acts of other people.
If you are lifeworthy, you can take it. What we are really living for is the experience of life, both the pain and the pleasure.
The world is a match for us. we are a match for the world. Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging. Negativism to the pain and ferocity of life is negativism to life.

We are not there until we can say “Yea” to it all.

To take a righteous attitude toward anything is to denigrate it. Awe is what moves us forward. As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. Don’t bother to brush it off. Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance. Having a sense of humor saves you. Eternity is a dimension of here and now.

Mike Krzyzewski

I had the immense opportunity to interview Mike Krzyzewski at the Milken Conference earlier this year.  Coach K is one of the most successful coaches in any sport on any level. However, Mike is probably even more respected today for his role as a leadership expert, a motivational speaker and a philanthropist.

You can view the VIDEO of our interview with Coach Krzyzewski HERE.

Within the video there are index tags so you can navigate per your preferences.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts of the interview:

-  Self dialogue practice (”Being in tune with yourself” section)

-  Follow the people you can learn from, not the money.  (”Associating yourself with good people” section)

-  Getting outside, solitude. (”On spending time in nature” section)

I belive when people think of Mike Krzyzewski, they think of a high integrity person who aspires to be a successful human being rather than simply a successful professional.  That is what they respect and it’s also what leads to his quality of life.

Norman Lear

I came across this essay that Norman Lear wrote in Life magazine in 1992.  It is great. I mean really great.  For those of you that have not heard of Norman Lear he is a hugely talented entrepreneur and humanitarian.  Best known for creating All in the Family and The Jeffersons.  He’s also the founder of People for the American Way.

More Reflections on the Meaning of Life

Published by the Editors of Life Magazine, 1992

Rome fell, according to historian Lewis Mumford, not through political or economic or military ineptitude.  Rome collapsed through “a leeching away of meaning and a loss of faith.”  Mumford might just as well have been speaking about our culture—a society afflicted by cynicism, selfishness and an erosion of civility, a society that has lost faith in its leaders and institutions and hungers for a greater sense of human connectedness.

It is no coincidence, I submit, that ours is a society fixated on the externals.  We are preoccupied with the pursuit of bottom lines, consumption, careerism—and winning.  We pursue a vision of human salvation through “progress,” one of the most powerful unifying myths of our 20th century life.  We place our faith in what we can see, touch and hear, and instinctively grasp for numbers to understand the world.  We remain suspicious of the unquantifiable, the intuitive, the mysterious.

Yet a culture that becomes a stranger to its own inner needs—which are, for better or worse, unquantifiable, intuitive and mysterious—is a culture that has lost touch with the best in its humanity, its sense of shared moral values, its ethics, creativity, passion, wonder and joy.

Could it be that, individually and collectively, we are failing to address one of our most basic human needs—the exploration of our mysterious inner life?

However wondrous, useful, ingenious and economically profitable the fruits of “progress,” none of them satisfy the needs that relate to the inner life, where the capacities for awe, wonder and mystery abide and seek nourishment.  Our failure to look within ourselves is directly related to our knowing destruction of the life-sustaining capacities of the planet, The logging of ancient forests, the frequent oil spills at sea, the perpetual creation of garbage, the extinction of 10,000 species per year—the whole litany of slow-motion environmental catastrophes from acid rain to the ozone layer to global warming—are acts of a society that has lost its sense of identity as a mortal, endangered species on a fragile little planet in a vast cosmos.  How else could a society show such little regard for posterity and commonweal, and engage in such flagrant acts of psychic self-mutilation?

The hunger in the American psyche for connectedness and spiritual renewal is not confined to our nation.  It extends to the peoples of third-world nations, many of whom have been made to feel estranged—by progress and politics, by poverty and famine—from the spiritual world their ancestors held dear.  It extends also to the Soviet Union and Eastern Europe, where the suppression of the spirit has been deliberate for decades.  This is, in fact, a global hunger.

Vaclav Havel, Czechoslovakia’s dissident-turned-President, points out that the most dangerous walls are not political or military boundaries but, as he puts it, “the walls that mutually divide individual people and that divide our own souls.”  As a corrective, Havel announced that his presidential agenda would be “to bring spirituality, moral responsibility, humaneness and humility into polities and, in that respect, to make clear that there is something higher above us.”

Why has no American politician dared to speak similarly, let alone adopt such a platform?  How surprised would they be to learn that most Americans would
welcome a call to make commitments to higher values, to bring spirituality, moral responsibility, humaneness and humility into politics?

Too squeamish to confront these issues, mainstream secular culture has instead surrendered this territory to those on the fringes—the revivalists, the New Age swamis, the self-help ego boosters, the religious right.  This has been a mistake.  The desire to lead a more purposeful life, to search for ultimate meanings, is a central theme of human experience.

We need to reclaim this domain as a legitimate and urgent cultural concern.  In so doing, we must respect each other’s faiths, of course.  And let us standby the traditional First Amendment wall that separates church and state.  But let us not be so skittish or parochial as to think that one of the great human imperatives—the rediscovery and reinvention of a common spiritual life in our desolate modern age—can or should be suppressed.  If we think of our nation’s diverse religions as uniquely different streams that each feed into a single thousand-mile river—a river of humanity – can we agree to discuss that river openly and freely, as a common source of values that nurtures all of our spiritual traditions?

This spiritual urge is undeniable.  From the beginning of human history, we have been embarked on a search for transcendent meaning.  It is as if we were genetically coded to believe that there is a greater force and mystery framing our lives.  Which is why the next great improvement in the human condition will occur not through a millennial faith in technology but by uncovering a new, more spiritually satisfying notion of “progress,” one that requires a vertical leap of faith, a leap in our inner development.  The answer is not to ignore these issues in schools and other institutions.  It is to fling open the doors—and find new ways of learning more about our myriad values and spiritual traditions in order to realize what we all hold in common as a species.

Norman Lear, television producer, writer and director, created All in the Family and is a founder of the civil rights organization People for the American Way.

Gary Vaynerchuk

I’m sure you have heard of Gary by now. He is a gutsy, charismatic, hard working, gifted entrepreneur who owns the wine category online through his site WineLibrary.TV.  He is best known as one of the world’s experts in social media and online marketing.  However, as he continues to draw audiences, he is now just as appreciated by his talent as a motivational speaker.

He’s also hilarious and totally authentic.

The highlight of the video is Gary’s emphasis on the importance of being yourself.

“Not being yourself is exhausting.” How great a line is that?

In our 20’s and early 30’s, we start to realize the importance of being yourself for happiness and personal satisfaction reasons.  And then halfway through our careers, we start to realize that being yourself is also the greatest competitive advantage you could have for professional success.

Be yourself. There can’t be a better life tip than that, and Gary Vaynerchuk is making the world a better place by spreading this message.

At 2:48 into this video, Gary shares a best practice on how he deals with bad days.  It’s a great lesson about the importance of mindset; but it’s also completely hilarious.  I love that he gave us such a specific, quirky example.  That’s what it’s all about.

Click on the below to watch the video.   Let us know what you think.

As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of the musician Eric Bibb.  He is one of the great performers living today. He is a Grammy-nominated blues musician who despite his accomplishments may still be one of the best-kept secrets in music.

Eric’s guitar work and lyrics are incredible; however it’s something about his calm demeanor and uplifting spirit that makes him so successful connecting with audiences. Some of his best-known songs include “I Heard the Angels Singing” and “Shingle by Shingle.”

I had an opportunity to interview Eric over lunch in Japantown in San Francisco not too long ago.  [Later than night some friends and I saw Eric and Ruthie Foster play together at Yoshi's and it was unreal.]

I knew before we met that he was a person with a inspiring and positive approach to life; you can tell just by the way he carries himself that behind the scenes he’s got some perspectives and practices that contribute to his quality of life.

My favorite part of our conversation was when Eric talked about gratitude:

“For me quality of life comes down to whether I am feeling peaceful, unanxious and grateful for the gift of life. Gratitude is the key to happiness I think. The ability to think, to be creative, to have senses that function, to be able to walk, to have freedom of movement. Those are tremendous blessings and sources of joy. Having enough to eat, having shelter, having companionship, having loving people around you; that’s paradise. Clean water, nutritious food, health, mobility; that’s paradise. I don’t think it’s so much a question of being happy or unhappy because each is part of the flow of life.”

Here are some of the other interesting perspectives and practices Eric shared that you might find interesting:

Mind:  Daily prayer

Perspective:  Realizing our connectedness with others

Health:  Yoga practice

Relationships:  Those that want to trip you up

Perspective:  Discovering your own path

Mind:  Thoughts matter

If you haven’t seen Eric Bibb perform, trust me it’s a great show…

1.  Think Positive
I believe that people are inherently good, things are always getting better and all challenges can be turned into accomplishments. By embracing struggle as a learning experience, all events can be positive.

2.  Honor Thy Sleep
I take sleeping very seriously. I get about eight hours every night and much more on the weekends. It is so vital for our health and happiness yet so overlooked. It heals the mind, soul and the body. It keeps you young and happy. Respect pillow time and you will feel the difference.

3.  Find Your Soulmate

Being with the right partner is the best feeling in the world. I waited to find my true soul mate and she only came when I was ready and felt truly deserving. She enriches my life, gives me purpose and fills my days with serenity and love.

4.  Verbalize Gratitude

Being grateful is a wonderful quality but verbalizing gratitude has a much more powerful effect. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy and when you express your gratitude towards others they often strive to attain even higher levels of the qualities you admire.

5.  Don’t be Yourself

Sure, I love being myself but why not try someone else on for size? In creating characters through my music I can become anyone I want. It allows me to fully invest myself in a powerful emotion and that is an incredibly rewarding release. This can also be done through acting, dance, or even just joking around with friends.

6.  Catch a Smile
Happy people are contagious. My wife and I make a conscious effort to spend time with other happy couples. Those who have good energy, are excited about being together, and have the same values as us are such a pleasure to be around.

7.  Be a Fanatic

You will be amazed by the contagious effects of being a fanatic. It’s totally irrelevant what your fanatic about but putting intense energy into anything opens the floodgates of joy. Whether it’s my love of Reese’s peanut butter cups, American Idol, or break dancing, picking something silly to absolutely love is tons of fun and I usually push it to the limits.

8.  Wait for it

Society has a stressful timeline but I try not to listen. So much of my happiness comes from the fact that I have done things on my own timeline and when I was truly ready. Taking time off after college, waiting to find the right partner, and starting a family when I was really ready took away tons of unnecessary stress.

9.  Home Sweet Home

Loving your home is a necessity for true happiness. I have always created peaceful yet creative and fun environments wherever I have lived. I take the time to make each room the best it can be for its specific purpose, plus doing it on your own brings a wonderful sense of self satisfaction.

10.  Higher Power

Feeling connected to a higher source brings me a powerful sense of wonderment. Yoga, meditation, religion, and even contemplating the vastness of the universe all provide a humbling and satisfying sense of being part of something bigger than me.

Dr. Harman is a warm, energetic, generous man who also happens to be one of the great businessman of our time. His best known company was Harman International which he ran since for decades, retiring as chairman in 2008. He was writing about the competitive advantage of corporate human development and the importance of company culture back in the 1980’s  — way ahead of the late 1990′s gurus. Dr. Harman is also one of those “under the radar” philanthropists who has done a whole lot to improve society.  

I got some great life perspectives from Dr. Harman during our interview. From how to play the longevity game to his exercise practice to advice on how to deal with difficult people.

But my favorite excerpt was Dr. Harman’s response to my question, “What type of people do you admire?”

He responded by citing a passage from Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman and then making his point from there.  Click below link and look for audio player at top.

Sidney Harman Talks About the Type of People He Admires

When it comes down to it, I think we are all drawn to those people who are doers and don’t feel the need to showcase their successes to others.

But how perfectly did Sidney Harman put it?

We started talking about parenting and before I knew it we started getting into one of those deep, fluid, interesting conversations.  The kind you wish you could do more of but find yourself not having the time for.  [In fact, I started to tell myself I didn’t have the time on a busy work day to chat – but thankfully I decided to chill and enjoy the rich experience presented to me.]

A minute into our conversation I realized some gems were forthcoming so I decided to record the conversation (with a phone video camera).  Below is a link to the conversation, in which Matthew shared his perspectives and practices around parenting.  CLICK ON THE PHOTO BELOW TO WATCH THE VIDEO.

Here are some things that stood out from our conversation:

When I asked Matt what he thinks parents get wrong, he said, “I am constantly aware these days of how much parents over communicate their children’s shortcomings, whether they realize it or not.  Children are always going to have issues…”

I totally agreed with what he was saying, but the way he put it was such a powerful reminder of how unfair it is for imperfect parents to expect their children to be perfect.

At the same time, I feel that there are some situations in which it benefits children for the parents to be tough on them.  So I asked Matthew what he felt about being “critical” with children on select character type things.  Not the typical cases like being honest but rather things like properly greeting people (voice they can hear with eye contact), even for a shy child.  [For my oldest son, he struggles with this and I have made this one of a few select things to be tough on him about.  Although I struggle with whether I am leading in the right way.]

Matthew’s reply was, “Just like gardening, you shouldn’t put too many seeds in the ground.  To properly grow, you need to provide space.”

Tell me that line isn’t a great lesson for all of us.  It’s a perfect nugget on how parents can quickly improve the quality of their parenting.  When you find a teaching moment, plant the seed (communicate the life lesson) and then back off and give your child the time and space to work on it.

It’s Leadership 101 in many ways.  If you’re coaching an employee on something, you’re not going to be in their grill every week about the improvement item.  At the most, once a month you’ll discuss it with the person.  Our children, even at five-years-old, can fully comprehend what we are trying to coach them on.  Matt’s wisdom was a great reminder that we owe it to our children to give them space to work on things.

And of course they will respect us a lot more as parents if we lead them better.