We started talking about parenting and before I knew it we started getting into one of those deep, fluid, interesting conversations.  The kind you wish you could do more of but find yourself not having the time for.  [In fact, I started to tell myself I didn’t have the time on a busy work day to chat – but thankfully I decided to chill and enjoy the rich experience presented to me.]

A minute into our conversation I realized some gems were forthcoming so I decided to record the conversation (with a phone video camera).  Below is a link to the conversation, in which Matthew shared his perspectives and practices around parenting.  CLICK ON THE PHOTO BELOW TO WATCH THE VIDEO.

Here are some things that stood out from our conversation:

When I asked Matt what he thinks parents get wrong, he said, “I am constantly aware these days of how much parents over communicate their children’s shortcomings, whether they realize it or not.  Children are always going to have issues…”

I totally agreed with what he was saying, but the way he put it was such a powerful reminder of how unfair it is for imperfect parents to expect their children to be perfect.

At the same time, I feel that there are some situations in which it benefits children for the parents to be tough on them.  So I asked Matthew what he felt about being “critical” with children on select character type things.  Not the typical cases like being honest but rather things like properly greeting people (voice they can hear with eye contact), even for a shy child.  [For my oldest son, he struggles with this and I have made this one of a few select things to be tough on him about.  Although I struggle with whether I am leading in the right way.]

Matthew’s reply was, “Just like gardening, you shouldn’t put too many seeds in the ground.  To properly grow, you need to provide space.”

Tell me that line isn’t a great lesson for all of us.  It’s a perfect nugget on how parents can quickly improve the quality of their parenting.  When you find a teaching moment, plant the seed (communicate the life lesson) and then back off and give your child the time and space to work on it.

It’s Leadership 101 in many ways.  If you’re coaching an employee on something, you’re not going to be in their grill every week about the improvement item.  At the most, once a month you’ll discuss it with the person.  Our children, even at five-years-old, can fully comprehend what we are trying to coach them on.  Matt’s wisdom was a great reminder that we owe it to our children to give them space to work on things.

And of course they will respect us a lot more as parents if we lead them better.

Mike Krzyzewski

I had the immense opportunity to interview Mike Krzyzewski at the Milken Conference earlier this year.  Coach K is one of the most successful coaches in any sport on any level. However, Mike is probably even more respected today for his role as a leadership expert, a motivational speaker and a philanthropist.

You can view the VIDEO of our interview with Coach Krzyzewski HERE.

Within the video there are index tags so you can navigate per your preferences.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts of the interview:

-  Self dialogue practice (”Being in tune with yourself” section)

-  Follow the people you can learn from, not the money.  (”Associating yourself with good people” section)

-  Getting outside, solitude. (”On spending time in nature” section)

I belive when people think of Mike Krzyzewski, they think of a high integrity person who aspires to be a successful human being rather than simply a successful professional.  That is what they respect and it’s also what leads to his quality of life.

Quality of life for me is doing the things that bring joy. Over the past five years I have learned a lot about what does not work for me and I have turned over a new leaf.

1.  Reading

I am an avid reader, and reading is one of the simple pleasures in my life. I go through phases where I will focus on one genre until I am ready for a change. Right now, I am reading books across genres, and one of the unique things is that I have the ability to make connections among disparate pieces of information. I am an active reader so I get emotionally caught up with the words on the pages as I interact with them.

2.  Meditation

Twice a day I meditate, which helps to bring peace to my life. I retreat to the quiet place within, where I listen to hear what my inner voice is trying to tell me. This practice helps me to become the person I was meant to be.

3.  Raja Yoga

I recently discovered Raja Yoga, the highest form of yoga and it has made such a difference in my life. I have received tools to help me to achieve self-mastery. I see simple yet profound changes in myself. Things that used to bother me no longer do, and I view difficult people as my “Tests.”

4.  Flourishing

I have been in many situations, both personal and professional where I felt a piece of me wither and die each day. Now I know how to quickly identify situations where I flourish and blossom. This allows me to be my best self, which contributes to contentment and happiness.

5.  Working at relationship with myself

This is tied into flourishing because I recently let go of a few relationships because I finally admitted to myself that they simply were not working for me and never had. Now that I have stepped away I realize how important it is not to be around people who devalue you and put you down constantly. You cannot change people, you can only change yourself. I am busy working to be the person who I was meant to be so that I can move into relationships that are better for me. I am getting to know myself for the very first time. If I have a great relationship with myself, I can have a great relationship with others.

6.  Success

I am working on achieving success in all areas of my life. For me, success isn’t solely about money, it is also about good health, quality relationships, meaningful projects, leisure and so on. Money is important though, because it provides freedom and independence, but the other areas have to be very present in my life. I am working at integrating my personal and professional life to bring more harmony to my life.

7.  Work

I recently made a career change and focusing on work that feeds my soul. For a long time I was going through the motions. An important discovery for me is that because you are good at something does not mean that that is what you should be doing.

8.  Reflection

I take time to check in with myself so that I am actually going where I want to go. This helps me to feel a sense of accomplishment.

9.  Systems & Routines

I work for myself so I have added systems and routines to my life to add structure. This allows me to clearly see and map my progress, which makes me feel good about myself.

10.  Going for walks

Walking is another simple pleasure for me. I live in a Metropolitan city in the heart of downtown so I walk to all my meetings. I have a pedometer and I seldom do less than the required 10,000 steps each day. Walking is very freeing for me and the open space allows me to think without borders. I get some of my best ideas when I travel by footmobile.

As many of you know, I’m a huge fan of the musician Eric Bibb.  He is one of the great performers living today. He is a Grammy-nominated blues musician who despite his accomplishments may still be one of the best-kept secrets in music.

Eric’s guitar work and lyrics are incredible; however it’s something about his calm demeanor and uplifting spirit that makes him so successful connecting with audiences. Some of his best-known songs include “I Heard the Angels Singing” and “Shingle by Shingle.”

I had an opportunity to interview Eric over lunch in Japantown in San Francisco not too long ago.  [Later than night some friends and I saw Eric and Ruthie Foster play together at Yoshi's and it was unreal.]

I knew before we met that he was a person with a inspiring and positive approach to life; you can tell just by the way he carries himself that behind the scenes he’s got some perspectives and practices that contribute to his quality of life.

My favorite part of our conversation was when Eric talked about gratitude:

“For me quality of life comes down to whether I am feeling peaceful, unanxious and grateful for the gift of life. Gratitude is the key to happiness I think. The ability to think, to be creative, to have senses that function, to be able to walk, to have freedom of movement. Those are tremendous blessings and sources of joy. Having enough to eat, having shelter, having companionship, having loving people around you; that’s paradise. Clean water, nutritious food, health, mobility; that’s paradise. I don’t think it’s so much a question of being happy or unhappy because each is part of the flow of life.”

Here are some of the other interesting perspectives and practices Eric shared that you might find interesting:

Mind:  Daily prayer

Perspective:  Realizing our connectedness with others

Health:  Yoga practice

Relationships:  Those that want to trip you up

Perspective:  Discovering your own path

Mind:  Thoughts matter

If you haven’t seen Eric Bibb perform, trust me it’s a great show…

1.  Think Positive
I believe that people are inherently good, things are always getting better and all challenges can be turned into accomplishments. By embracing struggle as a learning experience, all events can be positive.

2.  Honor Thy Sleep
I take sleeping very seriously. I get about eight hours every night and much more on the weekends. It is so vital for our health and happiness yet so overlooked. It heals the mind, soul and the body. It keeps you young and happy. Respect pillow time and you will feel the difference.

3.  Find Your Soulmate

Being with the right partner is the best feeling in the world. I waited to find my true soul mate and she only came when I was ready and felt truly deserving. She enriches my life, gives me purpose and fills my days with serenity and love.

4.  Verbalize Gratitude

Being grateful is a wonderful quality but verbalizing gratitude has a much more powerful effect. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy and when you express your gratitude towards others they often strive to attain even higher levels of the qualities you admire.

5.  Don’t be Yourself

Sure, I love being myself but why not try someone else on for size? In creating characters through my music I can become anyone I want. It allows me to fully invest myself in a powerful emotion and that is an incredibly rewarding release. This can also be done through acting, dance, or even just joking around with friends.

6.  Catch a Smile
Happy people are contagious. My wife and I make a conscious effort to spend time with other happy couples. Those who have good energy, are excited about being together, and have the same values as us are such a pleasure to be around.

7.  Be a Fanatic

You will be amazed by the contagious effects of being a fanatic. It’s totally irrelevant what your fanatic about but putting intense energy into anything opens the floodgates of joy. Whether it’s my love of Reese’s peanut butter cups, American Idol, or break dancing, picking something silly to absolutely love is tons of fun and I usually push it to the limits.

8.  Wait for it

Society has a stressful timeline but I try not to listen. So much of my happiness comes from the fact that I have done things on my own timeline and when I was truly ready. Taking time off after college, waiting to find the right partner, and starting a family when I was really ready took away tons of unnecessary stress.

9.  Home Sweet Home

Loving your home is a necessity for true happiness. I have always created peaceful yet creative and fun environments wherever I have lived. I take the time to make each room the best it can be for its specific purpose, plus doing it on your own brings a wonderful sense of self satisfaction.

10.  Higher Power

Feeling connected to a higher source brings me a powerful sense of wonderment. Yoga, meditation, religion, and even contemplating the vastness of the universe all provide a humbling and satisfying sense of being part of something bigger than me.

Dr. Harman is a warm, energetic, generous man who also happens to be one of the great businessman of our time. His best known company was Harman International which he ran since for decades, retiring as chairman in 2008. He was writing about the competitive advantage of corporate human development and the importance of company culture back in the 1980’s  — way ahead of the late 1990′s gurus. Dr. Harman is also one of those “under the radar” philanthropists who has done a whole lot to improve society.  

I got some great life perspectives from Dr. Harman during our interview. From how to play the longevity game to his exercise practice to advice on how to deal with difficult people.

But my favorite excerpt was Dr. Harman’s response to my question, “What type of people do you admire?”

He responded by citing a passage from Arthur Miller’s Death of a Salesman and then making his point from there.  Click below link and look for audio player at top.

Sidney Harman Talks About the Type of People He Admires

When it comes down to it, I think we are all drawn to those people who are doers and don’t feel the need to showcase their successes to others.

But how perfectly did Sidney Harman put it?

So, what drives me? These are 10 contributors to what I especially love about my life, in no particular order. I’m working on all of them. Doesn’t mean I don’t fall off the wagon. But as with all things, we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and jump on again. Enjoy!

1. Discovering and Rediscovering Passions

When I was 14, all I wanted to do was to study abroad, get a degree in something wildlife or environmental related, and save the world. I did that (not the save the world bit, but I’m still in the wildlife conservation industry). I’m 36 and I’ve realized it’s time for me to discover, rediscover and pursue other passions in my life. I’m in the process of doing this, and I’m excited about it. I thrive on the process of discovery. I have a lot of things I can be passionate about. I just haven’t found one I want to pursue just yet.

2. Exercise and Keeping Healthy

I don’t look super fit. I’m not in great physical shape and I certainly am not drop-dead gorgeous Miss Athlete. But I tell ya, I looove working out, I loooove getting out in the jungle and trekking around, I loooove swimming, and I loooove sharing these activities with my friends. Exercise and activity keep me focused; eating well (as much as possible, anyway) makes me feel good about myself. I come to a place of quiet and inner reflection during a trek in the forest, on the treadmill, with every stroke of my swim. My focus is always on the exercise and fitness. Whether I lose weight or anything else is never the goal. I believe that’s the key philosophy on exercise.

3. Being Anchored in Who I Am

A good friend of mine whacked into my head the need for me to love myself. I’m not talking about narcissistic, look-at-me, it’s-all-about-me neurosis. I’m talking about taking care of myself so I’m in shape to take care of other stuff and people in my life. This meant my health, self-respect, and knowing myself. It’s important for me to get well-acquainted with who I am, recognize the things that make me me, the trash I need to chuck out the window and then move on to love the world. I can’t do that without first being anchored in who I am. This is an ongoing process. There’s always new things to learn and know. “Ogres are like onions,” says Shrek. Well, so are people. It’s a long process, this anchoring, and painful. The journe is hard and neverending, but I can’t see how I can grow without it.

4. Having An Uncluttered Lifestyle

This is something new that I’m trying out. I’ve just bought a house. There’s almost nothing in it. That was by default. But I know I like having almost nothing in it. Physical clutter is a reflection of a cluttered mind. Multi-tasking is often not as great as people would like to think. Keeping things minimalist gives me clarity of mind. There is no satisfaction in getting many things done haphazardly. I prefer to get a few things done but done with mindfulness, thoughtfulness and thoroughness.

5. Faith

I am a Christian and I am not ashamed to say it. Faith is important to the human psyche, whatever faith you subscribe to. We are built to believe. But it is important for me to practise my faith with eyes wide open. Forget the Christian guilt, the obey-or-burn-in-hell theologies. My faith in God is anchored in what I know of my God, from a droplet of water to giant fig trees that have lived for 100 years; in what I believe at the very core of my being. Not in blind following. What do you believe in?

6. Family, Friends and Dogs

You love’em, you argue with ‘em, you hurt ‘em, they hurt you, you need ‘em. We are the sum of the people we spend the most time with. Family and friends keep me where I am. They are important to me. I hope my friends stay with me to the end of my days. My family and friends are my conscience, my sounding board, the devil’s advocates, my comfort and my strength. Quality of life is not about calm seas and eternal sunshine. It’s about how we derive the best out of the stuff th life throws at us.

I have had dogs for as long as I can remember. There’s no other way to describe it; dogs soothe my soul. What soothes my soul is definitely has to go into my quality of life list.

7. Being Present

I used to go through life in a humdrum monotonous blur. It was like nothing mattered, everything dragged along until I could find something to entertain me for a few minutes, and then the monotony continued. There was no mindfulness or presence. It made me look slow, felt none-too-bright; and generally life felt meaningless. These days, I like to be mindful of what I do, present in whatever activity I’m doing at that moment. If I’m on the road, I like to be completely present of the feel of the steering wheel, the sights and sounds of traffic. If I’m writing, I want to be completely immersed in it. If I’m taking talking to someone, I want to be completely present and attentive. People notice presence of mind. They know they have my full attention, that I mean what I say and say what I mean; there’s a satisfaction in completing something in that state of mind. It improves my self-esteem, keeps me focussed and mentally agile.

8. Getting Away for a Breather

Holidays are great. Everybody needs them. Everyone should have one at least once a year. Wherever  I live, I need to get away from there once in a while. It’s like pressing the refresh button. If I can afford to, I get out of town. Otherwise, I go camping, or park myself near a beach for the weekend. Routine is great, but then so is a change of scenery. Getting away gives me a chance to observe life in a different setting. It never disappoints. I’ve been blessed with opportunities to refresh myself in Australia, China, Java, Sulawesi, Singapore, Thailand, London and New York. Some of those trips were for work. It doesn’t matter. Short intermittent changes are great for me to reset, refocus and regroup.

9. Being Excited About Living

Life is really short. Why do we spend so much time worrying about insanely insignificant things? Like what sort of car to buy, or what to wear, buying things, or pleasing the boss? For that matter, why do we spend our adult lives trapped in tiny spaces doing work that we don’t like? The fact that you are reading this and that I have written this piece means we are both blessed with computers and the wuhwuhwuh (www). Over three billion people in the world are hardcore poor (according to the World Bank). I will wager that many of that three billion are excited about being alive. I don’t have an excuse not to be excited about life. I’m excited about exuding positive energy to all and sundry, as much as I can (yes, it’s a learning process!). I’m excited about giving the best I can during this short sojourn on earth. Seriously, what’s not to be excited about? Life throws a lot of stuff at us. What we make of that stuff, whether we whine about it or celebrate it, is entirely up to us. If I’m having a bad day – and yes, I do have those – I’d like to make it a great bad day. By default, that often takes away the ‘bad’ and leaves me with a great day.

10. Written Words

I love the written word, whether I find it in a book or if I’ve written it myself. Reading expands my mind. It takes me to places and times no modern invention can. Writing forces me to get in touch with my own thoughts. It pulls and moulds them into a shape that I can work with. I’ve been writing one thing or another since I was seven. I’m not a great writer, but do I care? I’m not competing to be the greatest writer the world has ever seen. Writing is part of who I am, as much as reading is.

Why is money and financial security not in there? Don’t they matter? Yes, of course. I wouldn’t be able to travel or get away,  buy the home that I keep at a minimalist stage, have the car that brings me to the gym, the pool or the nearest natural area. I subscribe to the idea that finances follow when a person is at balance with him/herself. The list is part of my balancing act.

So there you go. Things that contribute to my quality of life. Essentially, what drives me. What about you?

Walt Whitman

“Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons.  It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.”

- Walt Whitman, “Song of the Open Road.”

This passage is from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass.  The poem is called “Song of the Open Road.”

Afoot and light-hearted, I take to the open road,

Healthy, free, the world before me,

The long brown path before me, leading wherever I choose.

Henceforth I ask not good-fortune—I myself am good fortune;

Henceforth I whimper no more, postpone no more, need nothing,

Strong and content, I travel the open road.

The earth—that is sufficient;

I do not want the constellations any nearer;

I know they are very well where they are;

I know they suffice for those who belong to them.

(Still here I carry my old delicious burdens;

I carry them, men and women—I carry them with me wherever I go;

I swear it is impossible for me to get rid of them;

I am fill’d with them, and I will fill them in return.)

You road I enter upon and look around! I believe you are not all that is here;

I believe that much unseen is also here.

Here the profound lesson of reception, neither preference or denial;

The black with his woolly head, the felon, the diseas’d, the illiterate person, are not denied;

The birth, the hasting after the physician, the beggar’s tramp, the drunkard’s stagger, the laughing party of mechanics,

The escaped youth, the rich person’s carriage, the fop, the eloping couple,

The early market-man, the hearse, the moving of furniture into the town, the return back from the town,

They pass—I also pass—anything passes—none can be interdicted;

None but are accepted—none but are dear to me.

You air that serves me with breath to speak!

You objects that call from diffusion my meanings, and give them shape!

You light that wraps me and all things in delicate equable showers!

You paths worn in the irregular hollows by the roadsides!

I think you are latent with unseen existences—you are so dear to me.

You flagg’d walks of the cities! you strong curbs at the edges!

You ferries! you planks and posts of wharves! you timber-lined sides! you distant ships!

You rows of houses! you window-pierc’d façades! you roofs!

You porches and entrances! you copings and iron guards!

You windows whose transparent shells might expose so much!

You doors and ascending steps! you arches!

You gray stones of interminable pavements! you trodden crossings!

From all that has been near you, I believe you have imparted to yourselves, and now would impart the same secretly to me;

From the living and the dead I think you have peopled your impassive surfaces, and the spirits thereof would be evident and amicable with me.

The earth expanding right hand and left hand,

The picture alive, every part in its best light,

The music falling in where it is wanted, and stopping where it is not wanted,

The cheerful voice of the public road—the gay fresh sentiment of the road.

O highway I travel! O public road! do you say to me, Do not leave me?

Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost?

Do you say, I am already prepared—I am well-beaten and undenied—adhere to me?

O public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you—yet I love you;

You express me better than I can express myself;

You shall be more to me than my poem.

I think heroic deeds were all conceiv’d in the open air, and all great poems also;

I think I could stop here myself, and do miracles;

(My judgments, thoughts, I henceforth try by the open air, the road;)

I think whatever I shall meet on the road I shall like, and whoever beholds me shall like me;

I think whoever I see must be happy.

From this hour, freedom!

From this hour I ordain myself loos’d of limits and imaginary lines,

Going where I list, my own master, total and absolute,

Listening to others, and considering well what they say,

Pausing, searching, receiving, contemplating,

Gently, but with undeniable will, divesting myself of the holds that would hold me.

I inhale great draughts of space;

The east and the west are mine, and the north and the south are mine.

I am larger, better than I thought;

I did not know I held so much goodness.

All seems beautiful to me;

I can repeat over to men and women, You have done such good to me, I would do the same to you.

I will recruit for myself and you as I go;

I will scatter myself among men and women as I go;

I will toss the new gladness and roughness among them;

Whoever denies me, it shall not trouble me;

Whoever accepts me, he or she shall be blessed, and shall bless me.

Now if a thousand perfect men were to appear, it would not amaze me;

Now if a thousand beautiful forms of women appear’d, it would not astonish me.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons,

It is to grow in the open air, and to eat and sleep with the earth.

Here a great personal deed has room;

A great deed seizes upon the hearts of the whole race of men,

Its effusion of strength and will overwhelms law, and mocks all authority and all argument against it.

Here is the test of wisdom;

Wisdom is not finally tested in schools;

Wisdom cannot be pass’d from one having it, to another not having it;

Wisdom is of the Soul, is not susceptible of proof, is its own proof,

Applies to all stages and objects and qualities, and is content,

Is the certainty of the reality and immortality of things, and the excellence of things;

Something there is in the float of the sight of things that provokes it out of the Soul.

Now I reëxamine philosophies and religions,

They may prove well in lecture-rooms, yet not prove at all under the spacious clouds, and along the landscape and flowing currents.

Here is realization;

Here is a man tallied—he realizes here what he has in him;

The past, the future, majesty, love—if they are vacant of you, you are vacant of them.

Only the kernel of every object nourishes;

Where is he who tears off the husks for you and me?

Where is he that undoes stratagems and envelopes for you and me?

Here is adhesiveness—it is not previously fashion’d—it is apropos;

Do you know what it is, as you pass, to be loved by strangers?

Do you know the talk of those turning eye-balls?

Here is the efflux of the Soul;

The efflux of the Soul comes from within, through embower’d gates, ever provoking questions:

These yearnings, why are they? These thoughts in the darkness, why are they?

Why are there men and women that while they are nigh me, the sun-light expands my blood?

Why, when they leave me, do my pennants of joy sink flat and lank?

Why are there trees I never walk under, but large and melodious thoughts descend upon me?

(I think they hang there winter and summer on those trees, and always drop fruit as I pass;)

What is it I interchange so suddenly with strangers?

What with some driver, as I ride on the seat by his side?

What with some fisherman, drawing his seine by the shore, as I walk by, and pause?

What gives me to be free to a woman’s or man’s good-will? What gives them to be free to mine?

The efflux of the Soul is happiness—here is happiness;

I think it pervades the open air, waiting at all times;

Now it flows unto us—we are rightly charged.

Here rises the fluid and attaching character;

The fluid and attaching character is the freshness and sweetness of man and woman;

(The herbs of the morning sprout no fresher and sweeter every day out of the roots of themselves, than it sprouts fresh and sweet continually out of itself.)

Toward the fluid and attaching character exudes the sweat of the love of young and old;

From it falls distill’d the charm that mocks beauty and attainments;

Toward it heaves the shuddering longing ache of contact.

Allons! whoever you are, come travel with me!

Traveling with me, you find what never tires.

The earth never tires;

The earth is rude, silent, incomprehensible at first—Nature is rude and incomprehensible at first;

Be not discouraged—keep on—there are divine things, well envelop’d;

I swear to you there are divine things more beautiful than words can tell.

Allons! we must not stop here!

However sweet these laid-up stores—however convenient this dwelling, we cannot remain here;

However shelter’d this port, and however calm these waters, we must not anchor here;

However welcome the hospitality that surrounds us, we are permitted to receive it but a little while.

Allons! the inducements shall be greater;

We will sail pathless and wild seas;

We will go where winds blow, waves dash, and the Yankee clipper speeds by under full sail.

Allons! with power, liberty, the earth, the elements!

Health, defiance, gayety, self-esteem, curiosity;

Allons! from all formules!

From your formules, O bat-eyed and materialistic priests!

The stale cadaver blocks up the passage—the burial waits no longer.

Allons! yet take warning!

He traveling with me needs the best blood, thews, endurance;

None may come to the trial, till he or she bring courage and health.

Come not here if you have already spent the best of yourself;

Only those may come, who come in sweet and determin’d bodies;

No diseas’d person—no rum-drinker or venereal taint is permitted here.

I and mine do not convince by arguments, similes, rhymes;

We convince by our presence.

Listen! I will be honest with you;

I do not offer the old smooth prizes, but offer rough new prizes;

These are the days that must happen to you:

You shall not heap up what is call’d riches,

You shall scatter with lavish hand all that you earn or achieve,

You but arrive at the city to which you were destin’d—you hardly settle yourself to satisfaction, before you are call’d by an irresistible call to depart,

You shall be treated to the ironical smiles and mockings of those who remain behind you;

What beckonings of love you receive, you shall only answer with passionate kisses of parting,

You shall not allow the hold of those who spread their reach’d hands toward you.

Allons! after the GREAT COMPANIONS! and to belong to them!

They too are on the road! they are the swift and majestic men; they are the greatest women.

Over that which hinder’d them—over that which retarded—passing impediments large or small,

Committers of crimes, committers of many beautiful virtues,

Enjoyers of calms of seas, and storms of seas,

Sailors of many a ship, walkers of many a mile of land,

Habitués of many distant countries, habitués of far-distant dwellings,

Trusters of men and women, observers of cities, solitary toilers,

Pausers and contemplators of tufts, blossoms, shells of the shore,

Dancers at wedding-dances, kissers of brides, tender helpers of children, bearers of children,

Soldiers of revolts, standers by gaping graves, lowerers down of coffins,

Journeyers over consecutive seasons, over the years—the curious years, each emerging from that which preceded it,

Journeyers as with companions, namely, their own diverse phases,

Forth-steppers from the latent unrealized baby-days,

Journeyers gayly with their own youth—Journeyers with their bearded and well-grain’d manhood,

Journeyers with their womanhood, ample, unsurpass’d, content,

Journeyers with their own sublime old age of manhood or womanhood,

Old age, calm, expanded, broad with the haughty breadth of the universe,

Old age, flowing free with the delicious near-by freedom of death.

Allons! to that which is endless, as it was beginningless,

To undergo much, tramps of days, rests of nights,

To merge all in the travel they tend to, and the days and nights they tend to,

Again to merge them in the start of superior journeys;

To see nothing anywhere but what you may reach it and pass it,

To conceive no time, however distant, but what you may reach it and pass it,

To look up or down no road but it stretches and waits for you—however long, but it stretches and waits for you;

To see no being, not God’s or any, but you also go thither,

To see no possession but you may possess it—enjoying all without labor or purchase—abstracting the feast, yet not abstracting one particle of it;

To take the best of the farmer’s farm and the rich man’s elegant villa, and the chaste blessings of the well-married couple, and the fruits of orchards and flowers of gardens,

To take to your use out of the compact cities as you pass through,

To carry buildings and streets with you afterward wherever you go,

To gather the minds of men out of their brains as you encounter them—to gather the love out of their hearts,

To take your lovers on the road with you, for all that you leave them behind you,

To know the universe itself as a road—as many roads—as roads for traveling souls.

The Soul travels;

The body does not travel as much as the soul;

The body has just as great a work as the soul, and parts away at last for the journeys of the soul.

All parts away for the progress of souls;

All religion, all solid things, arts, governments,—all that was or is apparent upon this globe or any globe, falls into niches and corners before the procession of Souls along the grand roads of the universe.

Of the progress of the souls of men and women along the grand roads of the universe, all other progress is the needed emblem and sustenance.

Forever alive, forever forward,

Stately, solemn, sad, withdrawn, baffled, mad, turbulent, feeble, dissatisfied,

Desperate, proud, fond, sick, accepted by men, rejected by men,

They go! they go! I know that they go, but I know not where they go;

But I know that they go toward the best—toward something great.

Allons! whoever you are! come forth!

You must not stay sleeping and dallying there in the house, though you built it, or though it has been built for you.

Allons! out of the dark confinement!

It is useless to protest—I know all, and expose it.

Behold, through you as bad as the rest,

Through the laughter, dancing, dining, supping, of people,

Inside of dresses and ornaments, inside of those wash’d and trimm’d faces,

Behold a secret silent loathing and despair.

No husband, no wife, no friend, trusted to hear the confession;

Another self, a duplicate of every one, skulking and hiding it goes,

Formless and wordless through the streets of the cities, polite and bland in the parlors,

In the cars of rail-roads, in steamboats, in the public assembly,

Home to the houses of men and women, at the table, in the bed-room, everywhere,

Smartly attired, countenance smiling, form upright, death under the breast-bones, hell under the skull-bones,

Under the broadcloth and gloves, under the ribbons and artificial flowers,

Keeping fair with the customs, speaking not a syllable of itself,

Speaking of anything else, but never of itself.

Allons! through struggles and wars!

The goal that was named cannot be countermanded.

Have the past struggles succeeded?

What has succeeded? yourself? your nation? nature?

Now understand me well—It is provided in the essence of things, that from any fruition of success, no matter what, shall come forth something to make a greater struggle necessary.

My call is the call of battle—I nourish active rebellion;

He going with me must go well arm’d;

He going with me goes often with spare diet, poverty, angry enemies, desertions.

Allons! the road is before us!

It is safe—I have tried it—my own feet have tried it well.

Allons! be not detain’d!

Let the paper remain on the desk unwritten, and the book on the shelf unopen’d!

Let the tools remain in the workshop! let the money remain unearn’d!

Let the school stand! mind not the cry of the teacher!

Let the preacher preach in his pulpit! let the lawyer plead in the court, and the judge expound the law.

Mon enfant! I give you my hand!

I give you my love, more precious than money,

I give you myself, before preaching or law;

Will you give me yourself? will you come travel with me?

Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?

Mario Morino

Mario Morino is a man for whom I have great respect for.  He is one of the most accomplished entrepreneurs and philanthropists I have come across:  he cofounded and built Legent Corporation and Venture Philanthropy Partners, his latest creation.

However, the reason people have great respect for Mario is the person he is.  Despite all of his accomplishments, you will not meet a more grounded person.  You can tell he is the same person he always was and that he treats people based on their character and not their station or resume.

In my interview with Mario he made the following comment which I think is a great bit of wisdom we should all think about for a minute.

“Sometimes the characteristics that served me in the business world—a hard charging, driving force — tend not to be  the best characteristics for husband and father. So I have made strides in deprogramming myself from the characteristics that are not great to use around the house.”

http://www.qualityoflifeproject.org/articles/mind-article/854/

This is a very rich perspective he shared.  It is fine to blend your work and personal lives, but at the same time you can also divide your work and family life styles. It is not an issue of authenticity.  It’s an issue of different worlds.

Some people might argue that if you are strategic, results oriented and calm enough you can operate the same way in both worlds.  I don’t buy that.  I think you have to be aggressive in the business world to get things done.   You can do it in a constructive way that lends dignity to others; but you still have to be hard charging.  That sense of aggressiveness is what you don’t need to bring home.  [Sidenote: I need to disclaim for the 37th time that these are issues I am observing in my interviews; not practices I am necessarily on top of.]

I think the same also goes for business language.  My wife and I have basically agreed to cut down on business jargon around the house.  I’m not just talking about “at the end of the day” (Ryan from The Office style) business speak; I’m talking about more subtle business jargon like “fundamental.”  “Honey, maybe the fundamental problem with our babysitter is…”  Give your spouse a break with the business speak….

Back to the main wisdom bit here.  I agree wholeheartedly with (and aspire to learn from) Mario’s wisdom bit about learning to deprogram yourself when you migrate from the office to the home.  When you are at home, you don’t need to be on your toes, jockey for position, make things happen, read situations.  You just need to chill and hang out.

By Paul Mallory

People often talk about work/life balance. I realized one day (in middle age) that my work life is a huge percentage of my time on earth, and that I wanted my life to be as meaningful, contributory and joyful as I could make it. The key for me is to have work that feels like I am using my gifts to the full, and making a difference. That’s when I formed my company, Soul Work, to coach people on finding more fulfillment at work.

Children

I have four beautiful, bright, happy and hilarious children, ranging from a school leaver to a middle-school starter. These are my favorite people in the world, and they are the people who bring joy to my weekends and through their aspirations and achievements, some huge, some tiny. They come before everything else for me, but I also realized that to support, mentor and make them happy, I needed to be happy in myself and that I therefore needed to feel good about myself and find fulfilment in my work.

Mission

I am happiest when I feel ‘on-purpose’, i.e. that my daily work is me being who I authentically am, at my core, and using my unique strengths for the benefit of others. When we’re lost in our work, we are ‘in flow’, and that’s a great feeling. I formed my company ‘Soul Work’ to research the question of how we can increase our fulfilment at work, by either changing our mindset around our current role, or by finding a new role that allows the possibility of alignment to our life purpose.

Self Awareness, Perspective and Life-Long Learning

My voracious reading habit has, over the years, opened the door for me to life-changing ideas. Practice these, and quality of life increases exponentially. Major influences have been Stephen Covey’s ‘7 habits of highly effective people’, Eckhart Tolle’s ‘Power of Now’, ‘Conversations with God’ by Neale Donald Walsch, and much of Anthony Robbins’ material.  I can never understand people who are unwilling to admit there is something they don’t know. I feel that the more I learn, the more I uncover to be learned. After all, the universe is infinite… and is still expanding! How can we know it all? Lifelong learning as a philosophy and a habit brings joy and curiosity to my life.

Music

I play the guitar, and it’s a great way to change state and get into a whole other mood. I also love to listen to music, wherever I am. Music comes from and touches the spirit. If there is more to life than material reward, paying the bills and trying to stay ahead, then music, art of any sort, beauty for it’s own sake, those are the things that take us there. Cherish them!

Movies and Theatre

I love to watch movies and theatre that connect with me emotionally in some way. I think movies are the ultimate art form in a sense, because when they are the product of a director at the peak of his powers, surrounded by a talented team, they can move me like no other medium. I think that’s partly because of the power of the combination of visual art, music, the ability to make the impossible happen on screen, the ability to take us back (or forward) to another time, or to take us to a foreign country or planet in an instant. What would caveman have made of the spectacle of a movie flashing before his eyes?

Voluntary Work

I have been a volunteer listener at an emotional distress helpline for four years now. It has had a huge impact on me, by connecting me to strangers in difficulty, making a difference for the sake of that difference, and helping me to be less judgmental and a better listener. Can you imagine what the world would be like if each human being helped one other human being in some important and meaningful way, without any motivation to do so other than giving out of love? Can you imagine how good it feels, to give in that way?

Coaching

I discovered coaching a few years ago, as a development of my voluntary work, wanting to be more proactively helpful (where appropriate) than providing just a listening service. What I found, as I studied coaching over several years and became qualified, is that each of us has all our answers within, but our inner voice is often a confusing jumble of ideas and repetitive thought patterns. Having somebody else who is totally on your side listening to your crazy dreams can make them magically solidify into possibilities, then probabilities, and finally, inevitabilities! It truly works and it has become the primary vehicle to help people find fulfilment at work, through my company Soul Work.

Proactive Health

The absolute integrated nature of mind, body and spirit is becoming more widely acknowledged, and we can all cite examples of our mind causing sickness to our bodies. Why then do we still, in western cultures, treat our bodies as though they are invulnerable, when the distance between life and death can be like a candle flickering in a breeze? I notice that if I am feeling tired or stressed, although it feels counter-intuitive at the time, I get out and run by the river, through the trees, across the fields for half an hour. I always but ALWAYS feel better mentally and physically afterwards. I ran my first marathon in London last year and the sense of achievement was enormous. Many of these things that lead to joy in life are about stepping out of our comfort zone and into the stretch zone. That’s where the juice in life is to be found!

Writing

I have never had the time to write as much as I would like. Yet, every time I sit and write, I get quickly into ‘flow’ and feel so engaged with life. I believe writing is therapeutic, and everyone can write a page of a journal per day. A little like the powerful effect of coaching, just expressing one’s inner most thoughts on paper has an amazing way of connecting us to our deepest spirit.

Working and Living Environment

I sometimes take my environment for granted. Now that I pause to reflect, I am very lucky to be able to work at home most days, working as I do for a web-based professional association. I enjoy working in a fairly quiet, fairly solitary environment; it gives me space and thinking time. I don’t enjoy noisy, bustling spaces so much. I live and work in a second floor modern apartment in an old mill next to the River Avon in Evesham, Worcestershire, UK, a very green and quiet area surrounded by fruit farms. I don’t face the morning commute any more, and my children (who live elsewhere) can walk to my home in ten minutes.