Mike Krzyzewski

I had the immense opportunity to interview Mike Krzyzewski at the Milken Conference earlier this year.  Coach K is one of the most successful coaches in any sport on any level. However, Mike is probably even more respected today for his role as a leadership expert, a motivational speaker and a philanthropist.

You can view the VIDEO of our interview with Coach Krzyzewski HERE.

Within the video there are index tags so you can navigate per your preferences.

Here are some of my favorite excerpts of the interview:

-  Self dialogue practice (”Being in tune with yourself” section)

-  Follow the people you can learn from, not the money.  (”Associating yourself with good people” section)

-  Getting outside, solitude. (”On spending time in nature” section)

I belive when people think of Mike Krzyzewski, they think of a high integrity person who aspires to be a successful human being rather than simply a successful professional.  That is what they respect and it’s also what leads to his quality of life.

Quality of life for me is doing the things that bring joy. Over the past five years I have learned a lot about what does not work for me and I have turned over a new leaf.

1.  Reading

I am an avid reader, and reading is one of the simple pleasures in my life. I go through phases where I will focus on one genre until I am ready for a change. Right now, I am reading books across genres, and one of the unique things is that I have the ability to make connections among disparate pieces of information. I am an active reader so I get emotionally caught up with the words on the pages as I interact with them.

2.  Meditation

Twice a day I meditate, which helps to bring peace to my life. I retreat to the quiet place within, where I listen to hear what my inner voice is trying to tell me. This practice helps me to become the person I was meant to be.

3.  Raja Yoga

I recently discovered Raja Yoga, the highest form of yoga and it has made such a difference in my life. I have received tools to help me to achieve self-mastery. I see simple yet profound changes in myself. Things that used to bother me no longer do, and I view difficult people as my “Tests.”

4.  Flourishing

I have been in many situations, both personal and professional where I felt a piece of me wither and die each day. Now I know how to quickly identify situations where I flourish and blossom. This allows me to be my best self, which contributes to contentment and happiness.

5.  Working at relationship with myself

This is tied into flourishing because I recently let go of a few relationships because I finally admitted to myself that they simply were not working for me and never had. Now that I have stepped away I realize how important it is not to be around people who devalue you and put you down constantly. You cannot change people, you can only change yourself. I am busy working to be the person who I was meant to be so that I can move into relationships that are better for me. I am getting to know myself for the very first time. If I have a great relationship with myself, I can have a great relationship with others.

6.  Success

I am working on achieving success in all areas of my life. For me, success isn’t solely about money, it is also about good health, quality relationships, meaningful projects, leisure and so on. Money is important though, because it provides freedom and independence, but the other areas have to be very present in my life. I am working at integrating my personal and professional life to bring more harmony to my life.

7.  Work

I recently made a career change and focusing on work that feeds my soul. For a long time I was going through the motions. An important discovery for me is that because you are good at something does not mean that that is what you should be doing.

8.  Reflection

I take time to check in with myself so that I am actually going where I want to go. This helps me to feel a sense of accomplishment.

9.  Systems & Routines

I work for myself so I have added systems and routines to my life to add structure. This allows me to clearly see and map my progress, which makes me feel good about myself.

10.  Going for walks

Walking is another simple pleasure for me. I live in a Metropolitan city in the heart of downtown so I walk to all my meetings. I have a pedometer and I seldom do less than the required 10,000 steps each day. Walking is very freeing for me and the open space allows me to think without borders. I get some of my best ideas when I travel by footmobile.

1.  Think Positive
I believe that people are inherently good, things are always getting better and all challenges can be turned into accomplishments. By embracing struggle as a learning experience, all events can be positive.

2.  Honor Thy Sleep
I take sleeping very seriously. I get about eight hours every night and much more on the weekends. It is so vital for our health and happiness yet so overlooked. It heals the mind, soul and the body. It keeps you young and happy. Respect pillow time and you will feel the difference.

3.  Find Your Soulmate

Being with the right partner is the best feeling in the world. I waited to find my true soul mate and she only came when I was ready and felt truly deserving. She enriches my life, gives me purpose and fills my days with serenity and love.

4.  Verbalize Gratitude

Being grateful is a wonderful quality but verbalizing gratitude has a much more powerful effect. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy and when you express your gratitude towards others they often strive to attain even higher levels of the qualities you admire.

5.  Don’t be Yourself

Sure, I love being myself but why not try someone else on for size? In creating characters through my music I can become anyone I want. It allows me to fully invest myself in a powerful emotion and that is an incredibly rewarding release. This can also be done through acting, dance, or even just joking around with friends.

6.  Catch a Smile
Happy people are contagious. My wife and I make a conscious effort to spend time with other happy couples. Those who have good energy, are excited about being together, and have the same values as us are such a pleasure to be around.

7.  Be a Fanatic

You will be amazed by the contagious effects of being a fanatic. It’s totally irrelevant what your fanatic about but putting intense energy into anything opens the floodgates of joy. Whether it’s my love of Reese’s peanut butter cups, American Idol, or break dancing, picking something silly to absolutely love is tons of fun and I usually push it to the limits.

8.  Wait for it

Society has a stressful timeline but I try not to listen. So much of my happiness comes from the fact that I have done things on my own timeline and when I was truly ready. Taking time off after college, waiting to find the right partner, and starting a family when I was really ready took away tons of unnecessary stress.

9.  Home Sweet Home

Loving your home is a necessity for true happiness. I have always created peaceful yet creative and fun environments wherever I have lived. I take the time to make each room the best it can be for its specific purpose, plus doing it on your own brings a wonderful sense of self satisfaction.

10.  Higher Power

Feeling connected to a higher source brings me a powerful sense of wonderment. Yoga, meditation, religion, and even contemplating the vastness of the universe all provide a humbling and satisfying sense of being part of something bigger than me.

So, what drives me? These are 10 contributors to what I especially love about my life, in no particular order. I’m working on all of them. Doesn’t mean I don’t fall off the wagon. But as with all things, we need to pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off, and jump on again. Enjoy!

1. Discovering and Rediscovering Passions

When I was 14, all I wanted to do was to study abroad, get a degree in something wildlife or environmental related, and save the world. I did that (not the save the world bit, but I’m still in the wildlife conservation industry). I’m 36 and I’ve realized it’s time for me to discover, rediscover and pursue other passions in my life. I’m in the process of doing this, and I’m excited about it. I thrive on the process of discovery. I have a lot of things I can be passionate about. I just haven’t found one I want to pursue just yet.

2. Exercise and Keeping Healthy

I don’t look super fit. I’m not in great physical shape and I certainly am not drop-dead gorgeous Miss Athlete. But I tell ya, I looove working out, I loooove getting out in the jungle and trekking around, I loooove swimming, and I loooove sharing these activities with my friends. Exercise and activity keep me focused; eating well (as much as possible, anyway) makes me feel good about myself. I come to a place of quiet and inner reflection during a trek in the forest, on the treadmill, with every stroke of my swim. My focus is always on the exercise and fitness. Whether I lose weight or anything else is never the goal. I believe that’s the key philosophy on exercise.

3. Being Anchored in Who I Am

A good friend of mine whacked into my head the need for me to love myself. I’m not talking about narcissistic, look-at-me, it’s-all-about-me neurosis. I’m talking about taking care of myself so I’m in shape to take care of other stuff and people in my life. This meant my health, self-respect, and knowing myself. It’s important for me to get well-acquainted with who I am, recognize the things that make me me, the trash I need to chuck out the window and then move on to love the world. I can’t do that without first being anchored in who I am. This is an ongoing process. There’s always new things to learn and know. “Ogres are like onions,” says Shrek. Well, so are people. It’s a long process, this anchoring, and painful. The journe is hard and neverending, but I can’t see how I can grow without it.

4. Having An Uncluttered Lifestyle

This is something new that I’m trying out. I’ve just bought a house. There’s almost nothing in it. That was by default. But I know I like having almost nothing in it. Physical clutter is a reflection of a cluttered mind. Multi-tasking is often not as great as people would like to think. Keeping things minimalist gives me clarity of mind. There is no satisfaction in getting many things done haphazardly. I prefer to get a few things done but done with mindfulness, thoughtfulness and thoroughness.

5. Faith

I am a Christian and I am not ashamed to say it. Faith is important to the human psyche, whatever faith you subscribe to. We are built to believe. But it is important for me to practise my faith with eyes wide open. Forget the Christian guilt, the obey-or-burn-in-hell theologies. My faith in God is anchored in what I know of my God, from a droplet of water to giant fig trees that have lived for 100 years; in what I believe at the very core of my being. Not in blind following. What do you believe in?

6. Family, Friends and Dogs

You love’em, you argue with ‘em, you hurt ‘em, they hurt you, you need ‘em. We are the sum of the people we spend the most time with. Family and friends keep me where I am. They are important to me. I hope my friends stay with me to the end of my days. My family and friends are my conscience, my sounding board, the devil’s advocates, my comfort and my strength. Quality of life is not about calm seas and eternal sunshine. It’s about how we derive the best out of the stuff th life throws at us.

I have had dogs for as long as I can remember. There’s no other way to describe it; dogs soothe my soul. What soothes my soul is definitely has to go into my quality of life list.

7. Being Present

I used to go through life in a humdrum monotonous blur. It was like nothing mattered, everything dragged along until I could find something to entertain me for a few minutes, and then the monotony continued. There was no mindfulness or presence. It made me look slow, felt none-too-bright; and generally life felt meaningless. These days, I like to be mindful of what I do, present in whatever activity I’m doing at that moment. If I’m on the road, I like to be completely present of the feel of the steering wheel, the sights and sounds of traffic. If I’m writing, I want to be completely immersed in it. If I’m taking talking to someone, I want to be completely present and attentive. People notice presence of mind. They know they have my full attention, that I mean what I say and say what I mean; there’s a satisfaction in completing something in that state of mind. It improves my self-esteem, keeps me focussed and mentally agile.

8. Getting Away for a Breather

Holidays are great. Everybody needs them. Everyone should have one at least once a year. Wherever  I live, I need to get away from there once in a while. It’s like pressing the refresh button. If I can afford to, I get out of town. Otherwise, I go camping, or park myself near a beach for the weekend. Routine is great, but then so is a change of scenery. Getting away gives me a chance to observe life in a different setting. It never disappoints. I’ve been blessed with opportunities to refresh myself in Australia, China, Java, Sulawesi, Singapore, Thailand, London and New York. Some of those trips were for work. It doesn’t matter. Short intermittent changes are great for me to reset, refocus and regroup.

9. Being Excited About Living

Life is really short. Why do we spend so much time worrying about insanely insignificant things? Like what sort of car to buy, or what to wear, buying things, or pleasing the boss? For that matter, why do we spend our adult lives trapped in tiny spaces doing work that we don’t like? The fact that you are reading this and that I have written this piece means we are both blessed with computers and the wuhwuhwuh (www). Over three billion people in the world are hardcore poor (according to the World Bank). I will wager that many of that three billion are excited about being alive. I don’t have an excuse not to be excited about life. I’m excited about exuding positive energy to all and sundry, as much as I can (yes, it’s a learning process!). I’m excited about giving the best I can during this short sojourn on earth. Seriously, what’s not to be excited about? Life throws a lot of stuff at us. What we make of that stuff, whether we whine about it or celebrate it, is entirely up to us. If I’m having a bad day – and yes, I do have those – I’d like to make it a great bad day. By default, that often takes away the ‘bad’ and leaves me with a great day.

10. Written Words

I love the written word, whether I find it in a book or if I’ve written it myself. Reading expands my mind. It takes me to places and times no modern invention can. Writing forces me to get in touch with my own thoughts. It pulls and moulds them into a shape that I can work with. I’ve been writing one thing or another since I was seven. I’m not a great writer, but do I care? I’m not competing to be the greatest writer the world has ever seen. Writing is part of who I am, as much as reading is.

Why is money and financial security not in there? Don’t they matter? Yes, of course. I wouldn’t be able to travel or get away,  buy the home that I keep at a minimalist stage, have the car that brings me to the gym, the pool or the nearest natural area. I subscribe to the idea that finances follow when a person is at balance with him/herself. The list is part of my balancing act.

So there you go. Things that contribute to my quality of life. Essentially, what drives me. What about you?

Ariane de Bonvoisin

I had the opportunity to interview Ariane de Bonvoisin this summer.  We met last year and I have quickly become a fan of her endeavors.

Ariane is the author of First 30 Days: Your Guide to Making Any Change Easier and has built a media company around her desire to help people enjoy life more.  Ariane embodies this Quality of Life Project purpose:

-  Contributing to the growing worldwide movement in which individuals are increasingly measuring success based on quality of life over other pursuits and are increasingly drawn to authenticity over pretense.

Ariane’s independent approach to life is truly inspiring. She lives like an explorer constantly finding new and interesting experiences to enrich her life. And her path through life is a great indicator. She grew up living in six countries, was an internationally competitive swimmer and graduated London School of Economics at 19 and Stanford Business School at 24. She went on to leadership positions in the venture capital world, at one time overseeing Time Warner’s venture fund. But she felt out of synch and saw how her personal life was suffering through by not being in tune with her true inner voice. She was always a spiritual person but felt she needed to regroup. Ariane ended up taking a new path. In 2005, she decided to become a media entrepreneur, which led to her First 30 Days book and the launching of www.first30days.com and soon www.arianestudio.com.

You can view the VIDEO of our interview with Ariane HERE.

Within the video there are index tags so you can navigate per your preferences.

There are some outstanding takes on big picture life perspectives that have helped Ariane enjoy her life.  You should not miss out on these.  But the best part of the interview in my opinion are the little things we unearthed that any of us can immediately try out.

-  Trampoline in office (“What brings you joy” section)

-  Five year journal.  (“What brings you joy” section)

-  Wheatgrass (“Diet or health practices” section)

I hope you enjoy the video!  Ariane is doing great work so if you like her book, definitely help get the word out…

Ten Tips to Greater Quality of Life

The most frequent question we get from people is, “So, with all the interviews  you’ve done, what are the commonalities that you’ve seen?”

We are now ready to report back to you the common practices that have emerged through all our interviews.

We aren’t offering a road map; but rather a simple recap of what practices and perspectives we have encountered the most, as well as some links to interview excerpts that expand on the particular quality of life driver.

We hope you like it.

You can get a free copy at our home page, www.qualityoflifeproject.org.

Mark McKinnon

I had the pleasure of interviewing Mark McKinnon while I was in Austin not too long ago.  A friend of mine Megan Hundahl, who heard great things about Mark from her days at CNN, recommended I reach out to him for an interview.

As I started to research Mark, it was clear he would be a great interview.  He seemed  like a real humble guy with a range of interests and some incredible successes.  Breaking it down for you, he’s one of the most respected political analysts and consultants in the world.  And he also used to write songs with Kris Kristofferson which is pretty cool.  Oh yeah and he ran the Ironman twice.

But what drew me to Mark was that he actually uses the term “quality of life” in his professional CV.  “Mark’s quality of life is exceptionally enhanced by the enduring love and patience of his wife…and his daughters.”

How cool is that…  Well, we knew he would be a great interview and we were not disappointed.  Here are the highlights and further below is a link to the video.

Living in the moment and actually having a daily practice to reap the benefits
Mark has a jar of beads on his desk in his office that contains an approximate count of the number of days he expects to live (assuming relatively good health less unexpected accidents).  Next to this jar is another container.  Every morning, Mark takes out a bead, holds it, reflects upon it for a minute or two, and then deposits it in the other container.  This is one of the most interesting practices I’ve come across in my interviews.  What is evident is that Mark is reaping the quality of life dividends of living in the moment, not just because he has a great perspective, but because he is actually doing something about it.  But it’s more than that.  It’s the method.  A lot of people “do something about it” but it’s about using a practice that brings the best results that counts.  In his case, he has jars that sit right in front of him on his desk.

More communication is not necessarily better communication.
Mark wrote an article at the Daily Beast on this subject and cited Twitter as a good example.  In the interview, Mark emphasizes that as a society our quality of life can be diminished if we buy into the notion that more communication is better communication.  “I’m giving it up [Twitter]. I know I’ll get roasted for being anti-tech. But, what I really am is pro-meaningful communication. And somewhere along the Internet highway, we fell under the spell that more communication is better communication. Sometimes more communication is just noise.”

You can only have so many friends
This is related to the above point.  Mark’s take is that one of the best contributors to quality of life is the quality of your friendships.  And the quality of your friendships can be diminished if you have too many.  Simple as that.  Some of this is driven by social networks.  But also email and cell phones makes it much easier to maintain friendships that in the past 3000 years you simply would not have had time for.

Here’s the video clip broken down into segments using tags. We hope you enjoy the interview, and please do share your thoughts with us via comments…

Photo by Tata_Aka via Flickr

I had lunch recently with the managing editor of Keith Ferrazzi’s company Ferrazzi Greenlight.  She asked if I could put together a small piece on what quality of life means to me.

It’s funny because you would think I would have written something along these lines given our organization.  The thing is we always see ourselves more as a “manager” in this project so it’s not our tendency to tell you about our personal practices.

Anyway, here is what I came up with.  It was actually a very cool exercise.

WHAT DOES QUALITY OF LIFE MEAN TO ME?

Quality of life to me is living in a way and doing the things that makes me enjoy life.

I guess these are the things that get me there, at least at this stage in my life.

Family

I have an incredible wife and two great kids that I love very much.  I’m also lucky to have parents and siblings and extended family that I love being around.  The love I get from my wife and family makes me feel confident and secure; and everything springs from there for me.  I also think that one of the great things in life is to be able to share experiences with people you love and respect.  Whether it’s a day at the beach or a nice bottle of wine, being able to share it with someone you enjoy being with makes it that much  better.

Being in tune with myself

I have always been an introspective person but when I was 20 I had an experience which set me on the path of examining myself.  It’s a long story but that experience led me to better knowing myself (which certainly included some discomfort) and ultimately having a more confident approach to life.

Alone time

I need to carve out reflection time so I can assess if I am on the right path. This can be big picture stuff like spending enough time with friends but it can also be small stuff like remembering to mark my calendar for something I ought to do.

Doing the things I like

To me, it’s spending time with people I love and enjoy, doing meaningful work and surfing.  Those are the things that I love to do the most so I plan around that.

Managing the mix

It is dificult because not only do things evolve over time but at a given time there are multiple and sometimes overlapping quality of life drivers that you need to prioritize.  It becomes an art form, for example, to know how much to focus on work given the quality of life dividends of financial success and the flexibility it can allow later.

Work

I don’t feel good unless I have interesting work that keeps me busy.  While I enjoy work, I believe that there have to be periods of stress and flux to ultimately achieve progress.

Being in nature

Spending time in nature is a key part of my enjoying life.  It’s where I have the most fun but I also need to be in nature a lot to  just feel right.

Being independent

To me, this actually means taking offense when others try to tell me how I should live.   The reality is given the extent of product and idea marketing out there that does NOT have your personal interests in mind, you HAVE TO BE skeptical in order to live your best life.  Don’t let someone bring down your quality of life because they want you to buy their shitty salad dressings.

Enjoying the contradictions in life

I don’t want my life to make perfect sense.  Walt Whitman in Song to Myself said, “Do I contradict myself?  Very well, then, I contradict myself.  I am large, I contain multitudes.”  I believe getting the most out of life means allowing dichotomies to exist.  I can’t live without being mature but I also can’t live without being immature.

Working hard at relationships
I have relationship issues like anyone but I work hard at doing what I can do to effect the happiness of those close to me and to minimize family and relationship problems overall. Call me crazy but I don’t like drama and stress and using my time on repair issues when I could be using that time on other stuff.  I find it helpful to invest the time to think about what are some things I can do to make those close to me happy.  I have a tendency to be controlling though, and I need to work on that.

Being organized

I feel my best when I am on top of my tasks.  I have a system for managing my tasks and I am good about sticking to it.  One of the most common traits I’ve observed in people that enjoy life is a “make it happen” approach.  Being organized and doing the things that makes you happy work hand in hand.

Money

What I want in life is to have freedom of movement.  To go where I want to go when I want. Money helps on this front; doing well financially is a goal of mine for this reason.  I am in the camp that does not believe that money brings happiness.  But I am firmly in the camp that believes that if you have the other things in order (being a positive, secure, non-materialistic person), financial security can definitely help on the quality of life front.

Getting what you want

People don’t like to talk about this quality of life driver because they don’t want to seem aggressive.  We all want to make things happen. If you get the best table in the restaurant and do it in a cool way, that is a noble approach to life in my opinion.

Guarding my time

Time is my most precious resource.  I exercise in a way that minimizes time.  I plan phone calls before I do ten minute plus drives.  I always have reading material with me when opportunities for lines or delays exist.  I also realize there are some people out there that don’t get me or appreciate me and I am good about not prioritizing my time to be with them.   Back to the point of letting contradicitons exist, I am also a big fan of idle time.  I have been called a “football thug” by my wife on more than one occasion.

What are the things that contribute to your quality of life? If you put yours together and submit via comments, I will include in a follow up post.

Guy Kawasaki

I was real stoked to get a chance to talk to Guy Kawasaki at South by Southwest about what quality of life means to him.  Ever since his 2006 post, “How to be a Mensch,” I knew I needed to interview Guy for my quality of life project.

People love Guy for his thought leadership on entrepreneurship and his sense of humor, wit and directness.  But I think it’s his down-to-earth, unpretentious manner that is his secret quality in drawing such a loyal following.

Below is a link to the video.   Here are my thoughts to some of the perspectives and practices Guy shared with us:

Spend time with your family
These “do not neglect the obvious” perspectives are often the most important.  Guy offers us another reminder (how many do we need?) that time goes fast and we ought to consider how we are spending our time.

Do something you enjoy
I really like how Guy talks about his love for hockey and that he doesn’t feel a need to justify it or intellectualize it.  He just says he loves doing it and that’s why he does it.  And of course he follows through on doing what he loves doing.  I’m sure he works extra early or late to deal with those two hours in the middle of the day playing hockey but he’s doing it!  Do you think he regrets it?

Family time can be watching TV together
Guy talks about “24” and “The Unit” as family time.  What a great and fresh take.  It’s all about experiencing shared interests.  Obviously Guy’s mainly about face time with his family but he makes an honest point that shared interests as a bonding experience. When my wife and I watched the first season of 24 together a few years back, we totally bonded over it – despite the “addiction” aspect to the show causing us to exhibit unsavory qualities such as lying to each other about whether one of us watched part of the following show.  We know a couple in town here that swears by their “shared activity” of playing Wii tennis.   It goes without saying that you have to have face time and nature interfacing activities in the mix; but if your family can bond over a television show, don’t miss out on that either.

Click above to watch the video

Gary Player

Gary Player is one of the most amazing people I’ve met.  Gary is best known as being one of the greatest golfers in the history of the game (he is the only player to have won a Grand Slam on both the PGA and Senior’s tours.). He’s 73 years old and has more energy and strength today than 99% of us.  He’s been married to his wife Vivienne for over fifty years and together they have six children and 20 grandchildren.

More than anything, Gary epitomizes what it means to be a successful human being.  He does it all.  He is a great family man.  He is an accomplished entrepreneur.  He is a successful philanthropist.  He is a kind man who walks the earth with an open, grateful heart.  He literally touches someone every day.

And he is an absolute expert (whether he knows it or not) on longevity and making use of energy to maximize enjoyment in every aspect of life.

Gary will tell you that maintaining energy is one of the key to a life well lived.  That energy is the reason he has managed to be successful on so many fronts.  Family, career, philanthropy, social.    

Here is a 45-second clip of our interview where he talks about the impact of energy on being there for family.

Download MP3 clip – Time Management and Family

In other parts of our interview (www.qualityoflifeproject.org/gary_player), he talks about specific ways to build energy through diet and exercise.

It’s interesting how Gary connects building energy and time management with being a successful family man.   That that is what allows him to get up early to take care of his work and to get back to the house to have breakfast with his grandchildren. The idea that we can have a great intentions but if we’re not working on the building blocks that allow us to execute…

If I can digress, another parallel this makes me think about is the altruistic dimension to productivity.  Lets say someone does two hours of volunteer work a week.  And then by adopting some productivity and time management concepts, the person now has extra time and does four hours of volunteer work.  Is there not an altruistic element at play here with developing the building blocks, in this case productivity?  The same goes for someone like Gary who through his practice of exercise and diet, maximizes his energy which allows him to be a better husband, father, grandfather, entrepreneur, philanthropist etc.

Lastly, and this is out of left field and is totally unrelated to the above concept of energy.  But this one minute clip of Gary talking about love and planting seeds is too good.  So I’m just going to throw it in.  Call it a bonus.

Download MP3 clip – Love

I hope you enjoyed this first post in which I’m including audio clips from my interviews.  Please let me know through the comments section what you think of this new format and the post in general.

Thank you to my dad’s friend from college Dr. Marshall Burns who is a friend of Gary’s and made the interview happen.